Are groups a new thing? Cuz I just had an offer extended to me and I accepted... what is it?

My boyfriend is moving in with his friend tomorrow and her husband doesn’t want me to live there—he’s not comfortable with the situation. He’s not supposed to be driving because he has seizures, but he’s going to anyway, and my car is still in the shop. I can’t go back to my parents’ house because of the terms on which I left, and none of my friends have the room or can let me shack up for a while… So yeah. I don’t know how I’m going to get to work, or drive to my finals, or where I’m going to sleep tomorrow night. Wish me luck.

I can’t win. I try, and I try, and I try. Nothing matters.

I need to get the hell out of my house permanently. My mom and boyfriend got into an argument that I sort of was the cause of because I didn’t give both parties all the details of the matter, and thus the fight ensued. Regardless, my mom and bf made it a bigger deal than it actually was, both thinking that the issue was bigger than actuality… He had a seizure because the argument caused a sensory overload and stressed him out to that point.

A week later, after all that, well… it didn’t blow over, because my mother doesn’t let anything go, but they had both cooled off… he and I are at his best friend’s wedding. Everything’s going well, we’re all having a good time. I was a little nauseated for some reason and ended up throwing up, but felt fine after that, no big deal. Later, we go to have some alone time, away from the dancing and whatnot, and we’re talking. In the middle of a conversation, he shuts down and starts seizing in my arms. I can’t hold him up. Struggling, mentally as to what to do, I pull out his cell phone and call the vet doctor he works for to ask for help. Through her yells at me of things to check I hear someone walking by. I yell at her and tell her to take his keys to find his car and get his back, because his meds are in it.

She takes off, and I’m left on the phone with this woman who is yelling at me because I don’t know what to do. Finally, she tells me to get the Matron of Honor, because she would know what to do. So, despite my better judgement, I left him alone to run and find her. She runs back to him with me and turns him on his side and checks his pulse. To shorten an already long story: photographer was also a medic; he checks him out; bf comes to; best friend/bride comes over; bf cries in her arms because he is sorry because he thought he was ruining the party; bf stands up; bf is fine.

Now: the frustrating part. I call my mom hysterically telling her I need to stay with him tonight because I don’t want to leave him alone because his roommates were not home last night. She tells me no, that should would come pick me up from him house, because he was in no condition to drive. I demand I stay over because I’m upset and I don’t want to leave him on his own because he could have another and I wanted to be there if he did. She gives.

The next day, today, I arrive home and everything seems okay. Seems being the operative word. My bf apologizes to my mother, however she takes it the wrong way and is now upset at him once again because she… well she’s a bitch. She thinks it’s a lack of communication but really, it’s just that she has this uncontrollable desire to be a psychotic bitch. She takes everything you say and turns it around and makes you seem like the one who’s at fault. Sorry to meander from the story. Recap: he apologized, she took it the wrong way, got upset, took it out on both of us, yelled about nothing. To top it off she was getting upset that bf’s roommates weren’t home. I told her “I don’t want to leave him alone.” Wouldn’t that tell anyone with half a brain that that means his roommates were not home. And if not, wouldn’t you fucking ask?! She just is never wrong and I’m fucking sick of it.

You know what, rants seem to release a lot of stress so I think that's what I'll do now. so i hate everything right now. everything i do seems pointless and my life seems completely directionaless and I have no drive for anything. i want to act, but at the same time, i love graphic design and art and there's actually money in it. im at a two year community college and i farted around for the first two semesters and now am behind on the liberal arts AA plan so... im probably going to have to take summer and winter classes... which SUCKS. but whatever.

after i get my associates i have NO idea what I want to do or where i want to go... wtf. why do most if not all of my friends know what they're doing with their lives and have known since high school? why am i so far behind everyone!?

as if not knowing whether or not to bother pursuing acting as a career or graphic design wasnt enough for me to stress over a lot of ppl keep telling me to go into culinary arts because i love to cook and i'm good at it, but wtf... seriously... why am i so... blah?

I want to just get out of college and start my life... but doing what? i want to just start earning money doing SOMETHING I love. i have to know everything about everything. it even drives me nuts when i dont know what people are talking about if i can hear them. NUTS. i have to know. so imagine how it feels to not know everything about MYSELF.

....extendedFML


OH! and... PS the muscle or nerve or whatever that goes down the right side of my left knee keeps, literally, spasming out like crazy and it's driving me bonkers

My car's transmission blew a few weeks ago. At this time people were telling me it would look like about $700 to fix. At this time, I had been spending more than I should, as I often do. Come to find out, that it would be about $1,300 to fix. It gets worse; assuming my parents would spot me whatever money I didn't have, I had my mechanic tow the car to his garage, where he took out the transmission and quoted me $1,500. FML. Yet again, it gets worse. My parents found out I had been spending more than I should have been and lied to them about it, so they said they weren't going to help pay for anything for the car, and that it was my fuck up and I had to learn the hard way. I completely understand this and am not angry with them at all, as it is my own fault. So, I called my mechanic told him I would pay him to tow the car back so he could free up his garage, as he only has one bay for working on cars, and I would come up with the money somehow and have him work on it when I had it. Well... he told me that taking the transmission out and putting it back in is laborious, and since he had already taken it out to get an estimate, he would obviously have to put it back in to bring it back to my house; in short, just having him put it back together and bring it back would cost $600 alone. So I have to come up with $900 by Monday for parts, and then another $600 the following week for labor. FML.


FML. FML. FML!!!!!